Nina,
Understanding behavior management is how to deal with all communication. Each person is definitely different. Knowing how to relate to the diversity you can deal successfully with the individuals.
Dr. Gary Carlson
If I am involved in a difficult interaction due to personality conflict in the workplace, I am quiet which I am usually outgoing and friendly. I would rather ignore or avoid an unnecessary situation. (or just listen). It doesn't seem worth the energy to me to constantly disagree.
RE: Document request
If the difficult interaction is work related and intentionally affects my job responsibilities, I would be patient a few days to see if I obtain the requested information. If not, I would email the person a "friendly reminder" and wait a few more days. If I still got not response I would bring the timeline to a superior kindly asking for advice. My job still needs to be done, bottom line.
It seems the "friendly reminder" via email gets the response.
Karen,
I would try to work with this person but if their behavior affects your performance I would explain the circumstance to them. I would explain the only choice they were giving you would be to talk to your supervisor.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I have found that if it is not something that has to be dealt with immediately, I ask the employees involved to come back later in the day or if it is late in the day, to set up a time to meet the next day. A lot of times one or both will realize that they may have over reacted and the situation resolves itself. If we still need to meet to resolve the issue, I always have all parties involved meet and discuss the issue on terms not involving blame. This gives each employee time to listen to each others issue and it may clear up misunderstandings that were not verbalized in the heat of a disagreement. Most issues I have dealt with can be taken care of in this manner.
Thomas,
Focus on the vision not the rocks in the road.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I do not have a specific process that is involved in every difficult interaction but rather I try to observe and let that be a guide as to how to proceed. First, I look at the personality type of the employee and/or past experiences with this particular employee and decide which method of problem solving would work best.
I also evaluate what the end goals are for the two of us and where the conflict is stemming from.
Based on that I tailor my response, but usually I can state that I explain my position on the situation and allow for them to do so and suggest "How can we be more effective from here on"
Isabel,
Behavior often the result from past experiences. Understanding what could be the culprit of inappropriate behavior is to respond to the behavior differently than they would expect.
Dr. Gary Carlson
First, I try to think about the situation that took place. The go to that person to begin resolving any misunderstandings or conflict. If that step doen' work give it time to see what happens, for things to resolve themselves and then go to my direct supervisor. Usually if a situation has come up, dealing directly with that person has been the best option and worked for me.
Melissa,
Issues need to be dealt with directly. If this doesn't work then have a meeting with the person and have your direct supervisor attend. When both of these fail there is no choice but to take formal steps about any unappropriate behaviours.
Dr. Gary Carlson
A lot depends on the nature of the interaction - is it a conflict between two peers? Is it a student whose experiencing difficulties? But whatever the situation, it all starts with effective listening, not only for content, but for the emotions behind it. Frequently conflict is about more than what's orally expressed; one or more parties to the conflict may have an internal agenda that complicates the issue.
I would love to have an effective (for me) strategy for how to handle these situations. But when someone starts yelling, I experience shakiness, even though it might not appear obvious, and can't communicate effectively.
Nyssa,
We often have adopted learned responses to emotional situations. I worked with behaviorally disordered students for twenty years. I was the Director of Special Education for a large school district. I worked with our teachers in controlling emotional situations. The first step is never to let yourself become emotional. Keep your poise and never let yourself climb to the emotional leve the person who is exhibiting the stress. Stay calm and true to the meeting. If needed excuse the person from the meeting. If they refuse to do so then adjourn the meeting to a later time.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Nyssa,
Your body language and listening makes the difference. You can keep others calm and bring the situation into a more sensible state by your actions. Over reacting can only make it worse.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I definately mull over the situtaion for some time. I spend that time thinking mostly of the person's actions and their prior behavior and try to get a grip on where they're coming from. This way I can start by saying, 'this is what happened and I think the reason you acted that way was... am I correct?'. This way (I think) it helps them to know that I'm "about" both of us... not just me and my thoughts regarding the issue.
Debra,
Good strategy to look at prior behavior to understand the current behavior. I worked in Special Education for over 20 years and creating behavior modification required understanding prior behaviors. People often don't care what you know until they know you care
Dr. Gary Carlson
By listening and empathizing which sets the stage for open communication and diffuses negative mind-sets.
Ana,
Listening is 87% of communication. Your approach will always yield you with understanding and clear cut responses.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I do not like difficult interactions, as I am sure all of us on the receiving end can agree to. I do not have a process that I follow, but I hope to be able to utilize the worksheets and other tools I have learned from this training. Wish me luck!
Erica,
I do wish you luck and as long as you stay consistent with good practices your reputation will help you through the difficult interactions.
Dr. Gary Carlson
The thing that works for me is to sit down with the co-worker that I am not seeing eye to eye with, so to speak, and try to find out what can be going on in their life that may be causing some of the difficulty.
I also try to explain my position with the difficulty.
If neither of these attempts works, I then seek out my manager to sit down with us and try to mediate the situtation.
