cindy,
Yelling creates an environment of avoidance by the employees. Employees become aware of the technique they become hardened and it has little affect on them.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I have a favorite saying that I have taped to my computer screen:
Seek first to understand, then be understood.
Also, remembering that people are inherently good and have value to share helps us to recognize that most of the time people are doing their best in a given situation.
Marlina,
You are exactly correct. To understand someone you need to know why they are reacting or acting like they do. This is behavior management by how they respond. Listening is 87% of communication.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Sometimes it's hard to get to the core of the problem. The process I follow is to ask questions for clarity, let them talk, then summarize or paraphrase what they said. Once the other person has had a chance to vent, I can usually get to the heart of the matter by asking further questions. Often what seems huge is really something small when you can drill down to the core issue.
Tammy,
You are on the right track. The key to listening is not to raise your own emotions but stay calm and in control. This will allow the person to get everything out in the open.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I ran into a problem with a co-worker. After some time tension had built up between us. We talked to figured out the best way to solve each of our issues depending on what each of us needed. This is an example of different perceptions. Now that we are on the same page, things between us have become much better. Thanks - Terra
Terra,
Communicating is often the best answer. We go on with our problems and don't share the issue with the right people. Communication is 87% listening, 7% vocal and 6% body language. If we can master each of these in the right portions we will succeed in solving many issues.
Dr. Gary Carlson
This is so true. It took a while before we talked and our work relationship was starting to strain. Since we sat down and told each other what is needed from the other, it has been much better. We have to same goal, just have different jobs to achieve within that goal.
Terra,
Listening is a key for both parties when it becomes a stressful situation. 87% of our communication is carried out by good listnening. It is true in most cases we are more alike than different.
Terra,
Communication is very important and listening rates the highest. By listening we can respond better and appropriately.
Dr. Gary Carlson
The most important thing is to listen with respect. Think about how you respond to the person who you consider to be difficult. Keep interaction neutral. Give the person to chance be completely done before responding. Practice being silent. Imagine how you would handle the situation of the difficult person. Keep your focus on the mission. Be an example of purpose and passion!
Nancy,
If we can discover the behavior that existed before the person becomes difficult will help you handle the situation better. Precedent behavior is the culprit for the current behavior.
Dr. Gary Carlson
As program director, I first try to hadle the situation head on. If I can not resolve the issue, I will take the issue to the DOE and so forth.
Doris,
Good idea, when there are people who need to know is always a good move.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I try to listen to what the other person has to say and then am able to figure out what the root problem is. This makes it easier to come up with a plan on the best way to approach or deal with the issue. Sometimes it is just miscommunication.
Emily,
It has been said many times that the greatest part of communication is the ability to listen. 87% of effective communication is listening. Your technique is exactly on track with the best practice of how to handle difficult situations. Your reactions by being concerned enough to listen start the conversation out on the right tone.
Dr. Gary Carlson
My very first thing that I do is to clear my head. Most of the times issues arise when I am in the middle of a report or really concentrating!! So I walk away from my report or whatever I am working on, get a drink of water and give myself a good stretch. I know this sounds silly, but it clears my head and helps me see the real issues at hand.
Shelly,
Stepping back is a good thing to do. When we can keep our emotions in track we can think clearly.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Whether the issue is directly with me or between two of my staff I have found that bringing the people involved into the process is imperative. Each one has the opportunity to share their side of what the problem is and what has allowed it to get to that point.
once each person has spoken I highlight the imperative points and remove the emotions. this leads to each seeing the situation from another point of view.
From their we agree upon acceptable actions and changes to avoid this from occurring again.
I cannot say this works 100% of the time, but it is effective the large majority of time.
I would like first to give the benefit of the doubt and discuss any issue or issues with the employee, in person. try to find out where they're coming from and what might be the reason behind the specific interaction/behavior. give them time to reevaluate themselves, come back to me with what they think would be the solution for that specific interaction.
if this didn't work, then I would just follow the procedure by giving them a verbal warning, which may or may not be followed by a written warning, and even a disciplinary action if I have too.
Most of the times just talking to them solve the problem.
