Carol,
These are excellent structured techniques. You always need to keep your composure and not let the emotion of a difficult situation raise to higher levels of emotion. Even if your co-worker raises their emotion you should not go up there with them.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Focus on Commonalities
Encourage an Open Dialogue
Get to the Heart of the Problem
Define and Support a Solution
William,
Sometimes these take more structure to allow everyone a moment to speak. As a leader you need to communicate the necessity to remove the emotion from the problem and discuss logically and supportingly. When people have a chance to speak they become part of the solution.
Dr. Gary Carlson
First of all your approach to the situation is very important. Try not to put someone on the defense. Next be mindful of your tone. Tone is important so your message is percieved as it is intended. Be a good good listerner and the repeat was was said ." So am I understanding correctly this is what your are saying " By doing this you and the other person will understand whatis being said. Try not to aggitate the person, but be firm on your stance. Aplogize when need.. I am sorry if you fee lthis way that was not my intent ....Try to come to reasonable resolution that both parties arein aggrement with .
Thomas,
Putting yourself in the shoes of the person you are communicating with always a good posture. Listening is 87% of communicating. Having a caring attitude is the best form of making connection with your people. No one cares how much you know until they know that you care.
Dr. Gary Carlson
When I come across difficult interactions in the workplace, the way I used to handle it differently depending on who/what is associated with the interaction. I have found out that this could cause future problems or situations because some may feel they are being treated differntly or unfairly, which is understandable. After reviewing this course and information, I will now approach it differently than how I was before. Now I will identify the cause, decidede whether I should intervene, assess the facts, identify the emotions, and then deal with concerns about self-image. Also I found the steps for improving my conflict-management style very useful.
Dan,
When you have reached your conclusion we should always be consistent with our actions. There are some issues that are more of consequence than others. You to handle accordingly.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I don't exactly have a process. I usually just act with whatever way feels comfortable at the time. I handle each situation differently. I feel each situation is different however, after learning this new information, I am intrigued and excited to try to out. Not that I want a conflict, but I feel more prepared to do so. I tend to have too much of an emotional attachment to the situation and I think that can be a definite bad thing.
DaleAnne,
Working in the field of Special Education with behaviorally disordered students. Going to work everyday knowing there would be conflict allowed me to practice conflict management on a regular basis. The key is often how we handle it emotionally. I used to advise my teachers to never allow their emotions to rise to the save level a person is representing. When that happens the emotion continues to go higher. This is an event you can control by your communication and actions in front of the person who is in conflict.
It is a necessity to be able to look at a person behavior and determine what was the precedent which caused the current behavior. We you can solve the precedent incident you will curb the inappropriate behavior.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I haven't had to deal with any difficult interactions with others in my workplace yet. I've been at the same company for almost a year. I come to work, have great relationships with my coworkers, and go home on a good note. I believe I am a good worker and I enjoy helping out the other departments. I try to stay away from the "grapevine" and gossip, rumors, etc. I believe this has helped me to not have any drama at work.
Hlee,
Your assumption is probably correct. The underground and rumor mill exist in almost every business. Sometimes you can avoid confrontation by staying clear of the negative communications. But when it comes in front of you with a confrontation just keep the attitude you have always seemed to have and that is you are non-emotional. Never raise your emotions to the level of the person who is presenting the emotion..
Dr. Gary Carlson
If I come across a difficult interaction, I try to look at my own motivations and interpretations first. I have caught myself in the past in what I thought was a difficult interaction but it was my own feelings that mostly contributed to my interpretation. Once I have determined that it was not me that created the diffult interaction, I try and understand the other persons feelings and motivations.
It is possible that we simply have different priorities on the subject and that we need to discuss so we can resolve it. I have had some difficult situations that fell into the unsolvable due to emotional and psychologial on the other persons part. However, the great majority of situations can be resolved by working with the other person to really listen to each other and work towards a compromise.
John,
Not all difficult interactions start out on a smooth path. Some are more like rocky roads. What is important is to measure the behaviour that happened before that the conversation which caused the emotion. If we have better knowledge of what raised the emotional level. Understanding and caring attitudes cause the emotion to subside to allow for a better opportunity for communication.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I think that having the two parties sit and disucss what they feel the issues are and see what they are trying to accomplish and most of the time they will see that they are tryign to accomplish the same thing.
alexandra,
Most people often have the same goals but different approaches. When you talk you can find agreement on how to diplomatically make it happen.
Dr. Gary Carlson
What I have found that has been working for me as an Administrator working with students is first just to hear them out - usually separately if they are in conflict with another student - and not saying much except to ask questions to clarify details. I try my best not to let any of my previous knowledge of this student affect my assessment of the current situation. My first suggestion for disagreeing students is to find adult, professional ways of working out their differences, like practice for when they go out into the "real world" where they will for sure run into similar situations. If they are not able to or an unwilling and it becomes detrimental to the class I offer to mediate a discussion between them. After this mediated discussion, I then lay down what my expectations will be going forward and what the consequences will be if the desired outcome is not met and policies end up being broken. It is somewhat a "two-hat" job where I try to support them for success and implement the policies as well.
Cristina,
Expectations and the value of the expectations should be presented at the beginning of the course or activity. Then when something disruptive may happen you can refer to the expectations from the beginning and state the value. The idea of remaining professional is very good. Also remember to keep the emotion from you calm and collected. Never rise to the emotion of an unhappy student.
Dr. Gary Carlson
It depends highly on the players involved. I am the Dean of a nursing program so when my difficulties arise between my peers I usually ask for a private meeting where I simply ask what the problem seems to be. My peers and I seem to have very collegial relationships and this approach has worked so far. When the difficult situation seems to be most challenging is when I have to facilitate the discussion between two faculty members who are "at each others throats". I begin by having them identify their own perspective on the issue and engage in some communication regarding the issue. If it seems as though they need a real plan to solve the differences I have them develop that then they are asked to return to my office in the next few days to a week (depending on the issue) to reevaluate the situations. This approach works more often than not. If it doesn't I typically get my supervisor involved at that point.
Lisa,
Listening is 87% part of communication. Your technique of listening is the first step in the right the direction. Sometimes people get off track when they allow personal feelings about each other get in the way of the true mission. By working it out as you suggest allows the people to take a second look at their position. Through diplomacy and your guidance most issues can be solved.
Dr. Gary Carlson
If it's a difficult interaction that is taking place between myself and another employee I will approach the employee in an attempt to seek to understand why this is happening and what we can do to remedy the situation. If the difficult interaction pertains to my direct reports - most likely I will find out about it because one of the employees brought it o my attention. I will encourage them to speak to their coworker to resolve the problem without me having to get involved. If that does not work then I will call both into my office so that each can voice their concern as many times it might be some misunderstanding.
