Whether you are raising kids or trying to improve your own self-esteem, the relationship between who you are and what you do is important. Whether you are a parent, grandparent, or simply trying to build your own self-esteem, it is important to realize that we need to separate our sense of self-worth from our behavior.  

Imagine this scene: A three-year-old asks repeatedly, "Mama, do you love me?" Each time, Mom answers, "Of course I do." Then the child takes her hand and leads her to a broken flowerpot or shattered toy and looks at her questioningly.  

Here is a little… >>>

Did you know that you have a gift that no one else in the world possesses?  Maybe you have already discovered it.  I'm talking about your ability to live a life that expresses your unique personality and your individual talents through the work that you choose to do, the way you spend your free time and through your relationships.

Although it may seem hidden at first, when you search for your gift with an open mind and a free spirit, it will be there. Once you have found it, if you follow it with courage and persistence, it will reward… >>>

Do you know what a self-fulfilling prophecy is? Most people know that a self-fulfilling prophecy is an event that, because it is predicted and expected, is therefore more likely to happen, and even caused to happen.  

For example, according to Success magazine, two different groups of psychologists were once asked to observe the same child playing. One group was told beforehand that the child was emotionally disturbed. The other group was told that the child was a genius. When the psychologists were asked to report on their observations afterward, each group had found evidence to support their preconceived ideas.  

Now,… >>>

Nothing blocks change quite the way fear does, and when its power is greater than your power to push through it, fear is devastating. We can see evidence of this everyday in the news. However, in his book, "Getting Unstuck," Dr. Sidney Simon discusses ten ways fear blocks change, and today that information bears repeating.

Fear persuades you to do less than you are capable of doing. It triggers internal defense systems and fools you into thinking that you have perfectly good reasons not to change. Fear, particularly fear of making mistakes, causes indecisiveness and stops you from knowing what… >>>

Do you believe that having a purpose in life is important?  I do, and my experience has taught me that having a purpose contributes a great deal to the quality of our lives. Not only that, having a purpose can actually prolong your life.  

Several years ago, a study done by Judith Roden of Harvard followed two groups of patients in a convalescent home. Members of one group were asked to care for a potted plant during that time. Members of the other group had no such purpose. Those who were plant caretakers lived, on average, twice as long as… >>>

Do you ever talk to yourself out loud? Quite a few of people do. However, most of your self-talk is silent, and it's very powerful. You see, we talk to ourselves all the time. In fact, most of it happens in the form of thoughts, and it usually happens so fast, we don't even know it.

While you are reading this right now, you are talking to yourself three times as fast. When you stop reading, you speed up to about six times faster. These running thoughts, or "self-talk" as it is called, are very powerful. It is important that… >>>

Living in a society that operates from racist and sexist values is no laughing matter - and I mean that quite literally. Everybody likes to enjoy a good laugh, and everybody wants to feel that they are a part of a happy group of friends. But what about the times when the laugh seems to be at someone else's expense?

What do you do when you hear a friend tell a joke that plays on physical, racial, ethnic or sexual stereotypes? What do you do when you are chatting with a group of pals and someone makes a remark that… >>>

Today, let's talk about the most important relationship in your life - the one you have with yourself.

Think of someone you regard as a dear friend. If no such person exists in your life, dream one up. The time you spend with this person brings you a special pleasure, doesn't it? You tend to be loving, protective, and solicitous toward him or her, and you really have their best interests at heart, don't you? You really care.

Now, ask yourself, "Do I give myself the same kind of care and consideration?" On the basis of your self-treatment, many of… >>>

Most of us can handle physical pain, but when it comes to rejection or disapproval, it is often another story. Today, let's talk more about handling psychological pain.

Most of us deal pretty well with the physical lumps and bumps of life. Even though we dislike them, we bear our falls, illnesses, broken bones, surgeries and the like with relative aplomb. However, when it comes to psychological hurts, like disapproval or rejection, we often behave like frightened children, or we seal ourselves away in isolation.

Now, on an intellectual level, we all know we can't go through life without periodic… >>>

What would you like to avoid in your life?  Most of us try to avoid certain things like illness and injury, poverty, stress, depression and pain, just to name a few. 

Now, it makes sense to try to avoid these things as much as possible, but some people spend an enormous amount of time worrying about how to avoid them, and worrying about how to cope with them if they do happen to occur. Well, just by spending that much time worrying, they are pretty much eliminating the possibility of feeling happy.

They are also raising their stress level, thereby… >>>

How often do you find yourself feeling irritated by things that other people do? If it is more often than you'd like, read on.

People who are easily irritated usually blame others for it. But to find the reason - and notice I'm not talking about blame - they need to look inside themselves, instead of those around them. Of course, irritability can have many causes, but one of the most common is having too many restrictive zones. In other words, too many rigid ideas and rules about right and wrong behavior.

These folks believe there is a right way… >>>

Do you think of old age as a time of adventure, self-expression and possibility? My guess is probably not. It's hard to think of the later portion of life this way, when the society we live in doesn't seem to agree.

We sure don't see many role models of lively, intelligent old people in the media (well, except for Betty White), and our culture continues to be dominated by images of youth. Ask anyone in advertising or marketing, and they will tell you the demographics they covet are 18-25 year olds.

The fact is that life expectancy is up from… >>>

Here in the United States, the National Football League (NFL) finally signed a contract with its players this week, and football will, once again, fill my weekends this fall. For an old football coach, this was welcome news!

I have been friend and probably a mentor to the NFL Seattle Seahawks' coach, Pete Carroll, who is in his second year with the Seahawks. We've done some project together, most notably Pete's focus on "A Better LA" from his days with the University of Southern California football.

Pete's not your "normal" football coach, and his personality and attitudes have caused some… >>>

I have a question for you today. How big is your container? You do have one, you know.

Years ago, a farmer brought an amazing pumpkin to a county fair.  It was big and orange, in every aspect a perfect pumpkin.  But it was the exact size and shape of a two-gallon jug.  After it had won a blue ribbon, someone asked the farmer how in the world he had managed to produce such a wonder.  He chuckled a bit and said, "Shucks! Wasn't anything to it!  Soon as the blossom started to grow, I just stuck it inside a… >>>

Do you ever feel that the people who are closest to you are the ones who resist the most as you try to change for the better? Sometimes, when we are committed to personal growth and change, family members or others who are close to us will do everything they can to try and get us to change back to the way we were - even when the way we were wasn't so great.

Did you ever wonder why that might be?  Well, for one thing, when people are used to their lives being a certain way, any change -… >>>

Most people want to succeed, but whose version of "success" is the best choice? How do you measure your success? How do you know when you've really accomplished something that counts?

Success on other people's terms may only mean frustration for you, and doing the so-called "right thing" just because you've been told it's the right thing won't help, either. If we measure our success by goals that others think worthwhile instead of by our own personal standards, we will wind up in trouble.

Personal growth and fulfillment must start with the centered self, and depend on clear personal values… >>>

I know we've talked about being careful who we listen to, and believing the opinions that others are quick to give us. Typically, these opinions, about who we are and what we can do, come from friends and relatives who truly believe that they have our best interests at heart. The challenge for each of us is when we confer the title of "expert" on these folks, and believe what they say, without question.

An email I received this morning brought home just how wrong "the experts" can be, especially when their pronouncements come with the authority of their position.… >>>

It's tough to be a good grandparent when your grandchildren are many miles away - but it can be done. Long-distance grand-parenting takes some special attention and creativity if it is to result in the kind of close feelings that transcend miles on the map. Here are some distance-solving tips for you that will help.

First, make the most of the mail. It's fine if the letters are brief, as long as they are frequent. While you are waiting for food at a restaurant, write a note on the paper place mat and send it, or clippings of cartoons that… >>>

As we here in the Northern Hemisphere bask in those lazy days of summer, a lot of us find that sunshine promotes some lively daydreaming. It's a little like letting your mind "off the leash" to wander where it will. This valuable time to think can give us the opportunity for what I like to call "ah-ha!" moments.

How many times have you suddenly, seemingly from out of nowhere, found yourself saying, "Yes! Now that makes sense! Why didn't I realize this before?" Insights seem to come at the strangest times for some of us. One of my staff swears… >>>

I had a request to delve a little deeper into something I wrote a few days ago, regarding how to change negative behavior in another. I had quoted a reader who explained how well the process was working with a child. The good news is it works with adults, too. Today, let's go a little deeper.

As parents, I think we know that nagging our kids to stop doing something doesn't work. They either argue back, make like they are paying attention but continue with the action or behavior, or ignore us altogether. Whichever the response, the result is the… >>>