There is no better way to assure an ample supply of pain in your life than the destructive habit of self-blame.

Unreasonable expectations and self-blame can make our lives miserable. For example, how often do you hear yourself say something like, "I left the car lights on. How could I be so stupid?" Or, "I really put my foot in it that time. I guess I'll never learn."

Sound familiar? Self-blaming statements like these are commonplace for far too many of us. Now, there is nothing the matter with the first part of these statements. They are just simple facts.… >>>

There is a strong, direct relationship between low self-esteem and shame. Today, let's explore this relationship.

We all experience shame from time to time, that horrible sinking feeling that strikes at the very center of our being and launches a fundamental assault on our self-esteem.  

Shame truly does have a damaging effect on the development of healthy self-esteem. Perhaps the most important step we can take to rid the world of this malignant emotion is to avoid raising another generation of shame-based people.

Psychologist Susan Miller once wrote in the Atlantic Monthly, "A child's experience of being someone who counts,… >>>

Do you believe that you create your own reality? Or do you believe that reality is something "out there" over which you have no control?

As adults, we generate our experiences in life. While we can't control everything that happens to us, we can control how we respond. We can take responsibility for the results we experience in life. And when we do this, we grow enormously.

Television newsperson Dan Rather once said that John Kennedy became a true leader when he stood before the American people and said that the Bay of Pigs was an atrocity that never should… >>>

It is a great gift to be able to find the good in bad situations, and it is a gift you can give yourself, if you choose to.

Many people, when they come upon a stumbling block or an obstacle in their path, become discouraged and quit. But highly successful people know how to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones.

In December 1914, Thomas Edison's laboratories in West Orange, New Jersey were almost entirely destroyed by fire. In one night, Edison lost two million dollars worth of equipment and the records of most of his life's work. The next morning,… >>>

As we talked about yesterday, knowing what your personal values are is important. But knowing what other peoples' values are can be important too. 

Are you interested in knowing how to motivate other people? If so, how much do you know about what these other people value, what they hold near and dear? When I was coaching football, I worked with three quarterbacks. I asked each one what was important to him about playing the game.

One said he did it for the glory of God and to make his mom and dad proud. The second said it made him… >>>

What does getting what you want in life have to do with values? Today, let's look at how the two are connected.

You can't get what you want in life until you know what it is you want. And, you'll have a hard time knowing what you want, if you are not clear about what your values are. You see, if I were to ask you what you really want, what I'm actually asking is, "What do you value?"

Values are guides for daily living that influence your thoughts, feelings, words and deeds. They shape your personality and give direction… >>>

OK, I have two questions for you. First, what do you absolutely love to do? And second, how well do you do it?

Now, I'm betting that whatever your answer to the first question may be, the answer to the second question will be somewhere between, "very well" and "superbly." Because, if you love doing something, you are probably good at it.

Do you know anyone who has achieved tremendous success doing something he or she hates? I don't. Mark Twain once said, "The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation." And that is exactly what successful people… >>>

How good are you at focusing your attention? It is an extremely valuable skill, and I would like to talk about it today.

As I mentioned the other day, if we are to grow and reach our full potential, it is absolutely necessary to take risks. By its very nature, risk implies the possibility of loss. But at the same time, there is also the possibility of benefit or gain. Whether a risk feels frightening or exhilarating depends, almost entirely, on whether you are paying attention to the loss or the gain.

If you focus on the loss, you will… >>>

Do you consider yourself a risk-taker? I think you probably are, and I will tell you why.

In one of his books, Leo Buscaglia wrote that, "To laugh is to risk appearing a fool, to weep is to risk appearing too sentimental, to reach out for another is to risk involvement, and to expose feelings is to risk exposing one's true self.  

"To place your ideas and dreams before the crowd is to risk their loss, to love is to risk not being loved in return. To live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk despair, to try… >>>

Do you ever feel jealous?  Most of us do, but it is jealous behavior, not feelings, that cause trouble.  The feeling of jealousy in a relationship is normal, but the behavior that can result is often irrational and destructive.  If you want to avoid the trouble jealousy can cause, start by accepting responsibility for it.

Blaming others for what they feel is a mistake, for jealousy is most often a product of our own insecurity and low self-esteem.  It happens because we see ourselves as having less to give than the object of our jealousy.

Soon we become unable to… >>>

If your life has an important purpose, does that make you a more valuable human being?

If you're a regular receiver of the Winner's Circle Network, or if you are familiar with my work at The Pacific Institute, you know that I believe a strong sense of purpose is important.

I think it is so important that I spend a lot of time urging others to develop a sense of purpose.  But don't make the mistake of confusing purpose with worth, as many do who are continually looking outside themselves to feel worthy.

You see, when you determine your personal… >>>

What do the words "personal power" make you think of? Do you see yourself as a powerful person?

What you think about personal power will influence your ability to claim it and exercise it in your life. If you believe that power means either control or loss of control, without knowing why, you will hesitate to claim it.

If you think, even subconsciously, that power is bad, angry, manipulative, abusive or intimidating, you won't be motivated to empower yourself or others. Too many people have been conditioned to believe that "power" means "having power over," but it is really not… >>>

When was the last time you really spent quality time . . . with yourself? (Hopefully, it has been the last couple of nights as you made out your lists of shortcomings and strengths, but if it wasn't.)

A word you don't hear much these days is "solitude."  Maybe that is because it isn't experienced much. You know, if you put prisoners in solitary confinement, they go a little crazy, or they use the time to grow.  Most of them go a little crazy because we're just not used to being alone. Humans are social beings. Too much solitude feels… >>>

Just about everyone knows that good role models are important for a child's development, but have you ever thought about why this is true?

If you are familiar with my work, you know that it emphasizes visualization, because we have learned that our mental images, for the most part, are what determine our reality.  In other words, the way we see ourselves and the world is what decides how we will behave, and how we behave determines, to a very great extent, what will happen to us.

Role models serve as living, breathing mental images that help us visualize the… >>>

Given a choice, would you rather carry a bag of rocks or a sack of diamonds? Well, we do have a choice and you will be surprised how many people choose rocks.

Abraham Lincoln once said that if you "look for what's wrong, you will surely find it."  How true this is. The imperfections in ourselves mean we can always find deficits if we try. For a lot of us, it's much easier to find cracks and faults.

If your focus is on what is wrong, if you are busy looking for the flaws and weaknesses in your character, you… >>>

Have you ever looked back on something that you achieved and wondered why you were so successful? When you look back at your successes and the things you've achieved in your life and you look for the reasons why you succeeded, you'll find that most often it wasn't just luck. Some, if not all, of the following were involved:

Knowledge, Skill, Commitment, Motivation, Energy, Confidence, Resilience, and a belief in yourself and what you were doing

It's not hard to see why we succeed. What is hard is explaining why we don't succeed all the time. Quite often people will… >>>

How do you start your morning? Does it have an effect on how the rest of your day goes?

Everyone knows how important it is that kids get off to a good start in life. How a horse comes out of the starting gate can often make its career, and a sprinter's ability to come out of the blocks often determines who wins a foot race. Your first experience with something will often color what comes afterward. The way you start your morning is no exception.

Do you leap out of bed before your eyes are really open, begin a… >>>

Yesterday, we looked at some problems associated with the compulsion to do too much. Today, let's look at some solutions.

Feeling driven to achieve can lead us to become high performance people. But when that is taken to extremes, it can result in compulsive behavior that can have disastrous effects on our families, stress levels and health.

If you sometimes feel that you are a candidate for the "Most Overworked Person Award," what can you do about it?

Psychologist Christian Komer, of Grand Rapids, suggested that you try doing nothing for short periods every day. Designate a time to simply… >>>

What is the difference between a pleasantly active life and one that is compulsively busy?  Sometimes, it is a heart attack.

There is no doubt about it - we are a "can do" society. Sometimes though, "can do" becomes "must do," and "must do" can have some unpleasant consequences. For one thing, people who "must do" things, as opposed to "wanting" to do them, often find ways to subconsciously sabotage themselves, just to take the pressure off. For another, they short-change their families and themselves.

When you are compulsive about how much you have to accomplish every day, you sacrifice… >>>

Do you ever feel discouraged because your work on personal growth isn't going as quickly as you would like? If so, I will give you some advice that may help.

Many people are interested in doing all they can to develop strong and positive self-esteem, and that is a very good thing. But sometimes, there is a tendency for folks who have just started the process of deliberate personal growth to take themselves a bit too seriously.

They may find themselves going abruptly from relative non-awareness to total and complete introspection. They hold a magnifying glass up to every thought,… >>>