Good, strong friendships can make our lives immeasurably richer.

Good friends are rare. We have thousands of acquaintances, many associates, but few real friends. Real friends are those we freely select, and for this reason they play a special part in our lives. They provide us with joy, comfort and caring. And because our time with them is limited to relatively short periods together, friendships give us a breather from the intensity of our full-time, primary relationships.

When we have made a good friend, we have shared our deepest thoughts and feelings, and we have also developed shared respect and… >>>

Most of us extend small kindnesses to others. But how many of us practice the same loving gestures when it comes to ourselves? Let's talk about our gifts to ourselves.

How good a friend are you to yourself? Most of us are very good at celebrating our friendships with little gestures and gifts that say we care. But what do you give yourself that could qualify as a gift? A little self-indulgence is a healthy thing, which could mean buying yourself that new compact disc, treating yourself to dinner out or hiring someone to wash and wax your car.

Now,… >>>

What makes you happy? Where do you find joy? No matter who you are, the answer to these questions is always the same, and I'll tell you what it is.

Do you know anyone who is always looking for happiness? What about people who are constantly in pursuit of joy through some activity, or people who complain that their relationships are dull, their job oppressive?

They act as if happiness and joy are to be found "out there" somewhere. They seldom come to terms with the idea that happiness is inside them. You see, we can't look for joy as… >>>

I've talked a lot over the years about what it takes to succeed. Today, I'm going to talk about what it takes to fail.

From time to time, everyone experiences setbacks. We set a course and start out, but then we find ourselves at a dead end. Maybe we get fired from a job or our spouse files for divorce or resources we needed to finish a project don't materialize and we're left holding the bag. But what does it take to turn a setback like this into a failure? Well, the answer is simple. The only thing it takes… >>>

Today I'd like to tell you more about self-efficacy by looking at the profile of someone who is highly efficacious.

Perhaps you've heard me say that self-efficacy is our appraisal of our own ability to do something. Self-efficacy varies from task to task, and situation to situation. For example, I may feel very efficacious about my ability to teach people how to set goals and achieve them, but I may not feel efficacious at all about my ability to operate a computer.

Did you know that in any given situation, people with high self-efficacy tend to perform better than others?… >>>

When you hit your thumb with a hammer, you know what causes the pain. Do you know what causes the emotion?

All of us have nervous systems that cause us to feel pain. All of us have emotions, too. We feel happy, sad, angry, elated, hopeless, inspired. But where do the emotions come from? What causes them?

When you hit your thumb with a hammer, you feel pain. You may also feel some anger and maybe even some shame. We can safely say that the hammer caused the pain. But we can't say that the hammer caused the anger or… >>>

Everywhere you look, it seems that someone is offering you advice on how to make your marriage happier, your friendships closer, and your love connections stronger. Television and radio talk shows are loaded with advice. Even your sister-in-law has advice.

Today I want to give you what may be the single most valuable piece of advice you will ever receive about how to build and sustain good, close, lasting relationships. Here it is: Learn to stop blaming and finding fault with others. It doesn't matter how much you may believe you are in the right. The fact is, blaming and… >>>

One of our grandsons spent the weekend with Diane and I, so today, I would like to talk about the grandparent-grandchild relationship, and making it the best relationship possible.

When it comes to being a good grandparent, the first tip I have for you is about change. As a parent, it was your responsibility to make rules and give advice. But, when your children have their own children, this must change even though it may be hard for you to shift gears. Refrain from giving advice to your kids about how to raise their children, unless they ask for it.… >>>

Today, let's talk about how important it is to have alternatives, and how our thoughts can keep important alternatives out of our reach.

How would you feel if only one candidate was running for president? What if, when you got sick, there was only one doctor you could see? You'd feel very uncomfortable, right? Because these are areas in which most of us are used to having alternatives.

When you have options and the opportunity to choose, you have power in your life. But sometimes we develop blind spots, or scotomas, and we lock-on to one idea, one way of… >>>

How old are you really? And what does the number on the tip of your tongue really signify? You know, lately I've begun to think of age not as a single number, but as five numbers. Let me tell you what I mean.

First, we all have a chronological age based on our birth date. There is nothing we can do about that number. It is a simple fact and it never changes. But I think we have a physiological age too, and that has to do with how healthy we are, and what kind of shape we are in.… >>>

"Self-efficacy" is a word that you have heard me use many times, and it's a term that's being heard more and more these days - in business, in social science, in education. What in the world does it mean? What difference does it make to you?

Self-efficacy is your own judgment of your ability to do something - sell a car, play golf, solve a problem, whatever. But self-efficacy isn't so much about your skills as it is about your appraisal of your ability to use those skills.

Here is something that is very important. Research has shown that people… >>>

Today, let's talk about accountability and why some people think it means fixing the blame for what goes wrong.

When I am giving a talk or a seminar and I get to the part about accountability, I find that some people begin to feel defensive. Maybe they are struggling with a life-threatening illness, or maybe they have been in a severe automobile accident and are feeling like victims. They say things like "Are you trying to tell me that I am to blame for this? Do you want me to believe that this is my fault?" And I say, "No,… >>>

What happens when part of you wants to do one thing and part wants to do another? Let's look at this kind of conflict.

When two desires of similar power come into conflict, a great deal of inner turmoil and stress can result. I was talking to a young, single mother recently, and she said "Lou, I want to go back to night school and get my degree, but I also want to spend as much time as possible with my kids while they're little. I just don't know what to do."

Now, it's not my role to solve her… >>>

What does it mean to be authentic in today's world? It doesn't mean just being different or standing out from the crowd, and I'll tell you why.

"Genuineness." "Authenticity." These words are kind of hard to say and, for many people, even harder to be. Let me tell you what I think it means to be authentic. First of all, authentic people are aware of their thoughts and feelings, and they behave in ways that reflect those feelings. They don't see any need to "Put on an act" to impress or control others. They accept their vulnerabilities as well as… >>>

What happens when you feel an emotion but refuse to admit it? Maybe more than you think.

From the time we were children, most of us have been taught that it's OK to express certain feelings but not others. We learned to hide emotions that made other people uncomfortable or that somehow put us in a less than favorable light. It was OK to feel grateful but not angry, OK to feel confident but not scared, OK to defer to our parents but not to question them, etc.

Sometimes we even learned to hide these unacceptable feelings from ourselves. We… >>>

When you are learning something new, what helps you learn more easily and what interferes with the process? Today, let's talk about learning styles.

There are different styles of almost everything you can do or buy, from playing a guitar to picking out a new car. But, did you know that there are also different styles of learning? Some folks are visual learners; they literally need to see relationships with their eyes before they can understand. Other people learn best when they can hear new ideas.

Some people like to think a problem through before they try to solve it,… >>>

How would you describe your own character? What do we mean when we use that particular word? Today, let's talk briefly about "character."

If I were to describe someone to you by saying he or she has a fine character, would you know what I mean? My guess is that you would. You'd probably understand that I was talking about moral or ethical strength - what some people call integrity.

But how do you know when someone - even yourself - has good character? Well, for one thing, you can see the evidence. Character is revealed in our actions, in… >>>

How creative are you? If your answer is, "Not very," don't be so sure. Let's knock the mystique out of creativity today.

I was visiting some friends recently, and we were sitting around the table talking about creativity. At one point, the woman whose home we were in shook her head and said, "When they handed out the creativity, I guess I was out to lunch. I'm just not very creative."

Now all around me was evidence to the contrary. We had just finished a delicious meal she had created. The food was both nutritious and appealing to the eye.… >>>

Many people throughout the ages have spoken of the virtues of forgiveness. Today, I want to add my voice to theirs, and perhaps a special twist.

Against whom are you carrying a grudge? Is there someone who has done you a wrong, in some way, and whom you just can't forgive? Have you, yourself, done things that you can't forgive? Today I hope to impress upon you the incredible damage you can do to yourself, if you don't let go of these hurts. You must learn to forgive and forget.

Confucius said that, "To be wronged is nothing unless you… >>>

The best teachers learn from their students. The wisest parents teach and learn from their kids. Today let's talk about what we can learn from our children.

There is a great deal we can learn from our children, if we will only approach them with open hearts and a receptive spirit. In some ways, kids are the greatest teachers, because they teach by simply being who they are. And who are they?

Well, when children are young, they are completely trusting. It is only when they have had their trust betrayed many times that they learn to doubt and fear.… >>>