I respond with caution at times when the person or situation has the potential to emotionally trigger me or others involved in the interaction. A difficult interaction is typically when a person or situation has the potential to provoke you to react in an uncontrollable manner. The important thing is to remain in control of the situation by remaining in control of your emotions.
For many years I supervised teachers for behaviorally disordered youth. I would always give them the advise that when a situation becomes emotional to not let yourself rise with the emotion. What often happens is the each party rises higher and higher until you reach the uncontrollable level. If you can stay calm it often brings the emotion down.
I would have to agree. I believe the focus has to be on what we can do to make sure the interaction is productive. Recognizing that the interaction is needed and what results you are looking for can be an important step, and timing can be critical. I, at times, find it very important to make sure I am ready for the interaction, but also need to see that the other person involved is also. The key is that we are looking out for the best interest of all parties involved, not just our own.
Fairness and honesty goes a long way to progress. A trustworthy person can become a leader by example. Equality is important in most cases.
I look at tone and perception when determining a difficult interaction. The way something is said and how it is perceived can be very powerful.
It is important to watch body language. Good observers of this technique can be the correct entrance into a productive conversation with appropriate communication.
Bret,
I definitely agree that the level of engagement in a particular topic is a good indicator of a potentially difficult interacation. Disinterest, for whatever reason, will delay progression and cause low project morale. Different perspectives require immediate attention to maximize outcomes.
AJames
Monica,
Clarification is essential to effective communication. Asking for clarification is a skill that I am continually perfecting. Clarification allows all involved parties to gain an understanding of the intent of the communication. A project is destined for failure if not clearly defined. For individuals to be held accountable they must first have clear expectations set early on. These rules of engagement establish a baseline from which outcomes are measured.
AJ
We should not take anything forgranted. There are many theories about how many times it takes to have someone remember something.
Daniel Pink has a great recent book on motivation. "Drive" is the title.
I try to identify the motivations and the interests that a peer or manager may have. Many times what is important to me, it's not important to the other person. I also look at communication styles or not communication at all. This in particular, is a huge part of our work at the school where I work. Work style is another potential problem that may result in a difficult situation affecting our customers.
Ruth
I agree, tone of voice can lead a conversation in the wrong direction. When people are elevating their tone of voice, I try to stay calm and ask the other person if they want to come back when they are more calmed and ready to conduct a normal conversation without yelling or using inappropriate language. What do you think about this approach?
Whenever I expect a difficult interaction, I pause and remind myself to first listen and observe the other person. It is impossible to know another person's thoughts and is dangerous to guess. Rather than as a battle, I try to look at every potentially difficult interaction as an opportunity to develop a new ally.
Listening is the key to all good communication. The largest part of communication is listening carefully. There is three parts to all communication and sometimes two of the characterstics may not tell the truth for your judgement. The three are verbal, body language and listening. Both verbal inflections and body language may be deceiving for you. Listening to your communicator carefully useually will give each person a sense of caring and open communication.
I worked for 23 years with behavorial disordered youth. The rule of thumb when emotions would get high was to maintain a calm and reasonable demeanor. When you allow your emotions to equal the communicators the only result is for emotions to grow even higher. Keeping a steady and level head will bring the person back down to a reasonable communication level. The key is for you to do what is right no matter what the emotion is from the other party.
What makes our profession so exciting is the diversity of people we work with in employees and students. To master great communication we need to be talented to communicate with these diversities. The best first step is understand that no two people are alike and how they relate to you may be different. Our most important tool is to show that we care.
Bret hits all the good points. I want to add a few more to his list: cultural background, upbringing, past experience, and attitude/behavior.
Dr. Carlson, that is so true. Listening can be very therapeutic. It shows to other person that you are care enough to listen to him/her even though it does not mean that you totally agree with that person. Body language/posturing plays another key role in communication. However, we must be sure to have a good cultural understanding of the body language in order to avoid any misinterpretation. We might not be seeing "eye to eye" if we do not understand the cultural differences. (i.e. looking directly at the person who you are talking to can be interpreted differently between the Easterners and Westerners.)
Culture plays a huge part in communication. Listening is a big part of great communication. It is great you understand the need to understand the cluture of the people you are listening to.
All good points. The key to emotions is to remain calm and not rise to the level of the others who may.
