The first indicator for me is body language. I look at facial expressions, hand gestures and exaggerated body movements. These are good signs that I need to watch my reactions and try to be the calming element in the interaction. I've found that initially listening to the issue without interuption is the first step to resolution. Once the person is calmed down, a lot of times I will ask them to go for a walk with me. We get out of the closed area/environment and go outside or into a neutral part of the building. If the issue is with something I have caused, I try to be open and take ownership of my part. Humility and forgivness goes a long way to build interpersonal relations.
Tim,
You have practiced great technique. When I was working with behavior problem students in Special Education our mode of action was exactly as you stated your behavior. When we heighten our emotions to the level of the person we are talking with they only escalate to a higher level. The secret is to bring it down. First keep your calm and second if you can remove them from the environment you are in physically. Good choices on your part.
Dr. Gary Carlson
As many others have noted, I typically perceive a difficult interaction from others body language and tone within the first few moments. I also tend to anticipate difficult interactions when I know I have to deliver bad news or address performance issues with direct reports. I understand and have experienced very productive, effective conversations when delivering some bad news, however I always seem to prepare myself for the worst reaction/response. It makes me feel better prepared to play out the potential conflict and most difficult path in my mind to mitigate my own emotional response should it go in that direction.
On a side note, I particularly enjoyed the piece in this course about knowing when to let it go. I am getting better at doing this and making sure that I do not take on the challenges and stress for others unnecessarily. Life is not going to be perfect and everyone will not always be happy all of the time…sometimes it is just work!
Katie,
Anticipating any conflict and playing it out is a good technique. The best result comes from understanding, care and listening but not becoming emotional. It seems you are well prepared for this technique. Way to go!
Dr. Gary Carlson
Previous posts on observation of body language and active listening are spot on. I would like to add that in some organizations, absenteeism is another indicator of a difficult interaction that has not been addressed expeditiously.
Cindy,
Your awareness of the a people involved in key to the success of any implementation or progress in the future of a plan. Much of what we are successful at in completing a team task in the ability to listen and observe before we speak.
Dr. Gary Carlson
When the person takes over the conversation and does not let you speak. Constantly tells stories about "how it was in the old days"
Brian,
This can be annoyig but patience and still standing strong on your beliefs make your mentorship to them and others even stronger. We need to still show interest in each other but we need to be understood with your strong prinicpals and actions. If they know you better who you are and represent they become a better listener. I can identify with your frustrations but be more controlled of yourself and in time these people may change their ways. If not you maintain a higher quality of values and integrity.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I give my undivided attention. I want my peers and managers to know that that what we dealing with is important to me. Separate the person from the "problem". Let the situation be a time to grow and learn. Listen without thinking about how to respond and consider what led to the difficult situation. Be in a positive mindset and respect others behavioral's styles.
Nancy,
People don't care about what you know until they know that you care!
Dr. Gary Carlson
I observe how that person interacts with others. For example, watching how that person conducts himself or herself in meetings, or even casual discussions with others. I also take advantage of listening to the experiences of others who may have interacted with the individual in question.
William E.,
Sorry for this being so late but I just got a return on my response to you. I know this is late but knowing body language in a meeting is always a great talent. You can often control a meeting through your observance.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I can tell almost everyday if i will have any difficult interactions with a certain employee. We have an employee that depending on her mood when she walks in if you will have any problems. In most of her cases we just let them go and address only if it continues for more than a day.
Kathy,
Attitude runs deeper in the emotions of a person's actions. To solve these issues we need to discover the precedent influences that incite the person to exhibit poor behavior. It is the first step in working on the problem.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Trustworthiness is a virtue known by all and esteemed by fewer than needed in today's world.
Katrena,
We often gage ourselves on the 3% that cause us issues but not the 97% who don't cause problems. This is why we trust these people.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I have to agree with body language. You can tell a lot about a person and what they are thinking just by looking at how they are sitting or standing.
Shelly,
Body language is a definite form of communication.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Listening is a must , but most of all you have to hear...Then after you have all the information you will be able to make a more accurate decision...
Kathy,
listening is 87% of communication so we ar sure your comment on listneining is important. Listening and hearing deninitely is two different things.
Dr. Gary Carlson
