Jeff,
87% of communication is listening and observing. your technique is right on target.
Dr. Gary Carlson
David,
The one emotion we must control is our own. If we escalate with the others we lose control.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I think it is important to pay attention to the tone of their voice as well as how they say things, rather than what they say. Many times what they say is not exactly a problem, it is the way that they say it that clues you in to how they are really feeling. It is also important to pay attention to body language as they are interacting with others.
Amber,
Your holistic view of the situation is right on target. Some people say what they think want to hear but are not really telling you the truth. Your observations can give the opportunity to search deeper into their thoughts.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I try to evaluate the situation and see what i want to accomplish and plan a course of action
alexandra,
I often look at the precedent behavoirs of people. This technique oftens help to analyze the situation as to how they got to their conclusions. If you can be one step ahead of the person on the situation you will be more successful.
Dr. Gary Carlson
i would want to try to identify what is motivating the person at the time, give them a good listen, and then state back to them what I hear to be their main concerns so that they feel I understand them. Then I might proceed with my thoughts on the matter with an emphasis on how it serves what they seek.
In working with students, I have found that taking the time to get to know them - their personalities, usual behaviour/language and sometimes personal stories from the get-go - helps in identifying when a difficult interaction with them is impending. They will go through different situations throughout the course of their program and sometimes knowing that something is "off" or different about them helps me prepare mentally to meet with them when they come to see me eventually with their concerns. I am then able to pull their files and other helpful information so that I am a step ahead in hopefully having a productive meeting.
In dealing with students who come with concerns, issues or complaints, I have found that letting them speak freely (as long as they keep their tone respectful and reasonable) until they are finished helps a lot. Once they are done and I have spent the time to clarify their concerns (by asking questions and repeating information), I usually ask a question that I learned from my own direct Supervisor - "What does resolution look like for you?" In many cases, just being heard would be enough and no further action is really required, they leave feeling important and ready to move forward. Based on their desired resolution, we try to come up with a plan.
Therese,
Listening is 87% of our communication skills. By repeating back is a great technique to be sure we read between the lines correctly. The next step is to follow up with the person to see how they are doing with your motivation with their needs.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Cristina,
The absolute best teachers I have known over the 43 years I have been involved is the ones with empathy. You obviously have the necessary technique. I have always said " They don't care what you know until they know that you care"
Dr. Gary Carlson
Cristina,
Clarification works for many students. They just need to be heard and the understanding by you which is a practice of empathy for the student. The best teachers have this attribute.
Dr. Gary Carlson
Thank you, Dr. Carlson.
Do you have any suggestions or "tried and tested" phraseology for delivering not-so-good news, e.g. dismissal, probation, etc., that delivers the "disciplinary" component without necessarily severing the "personal" relationship? Because I work in Student Services I always want to ensure that students still feel comfortable coming to me later with any future concerns or problems after having met with me for disciplinary reasons. I would like for them to still see me as a support after the fact and not avoid me.
Cristina,
I usually refer to it is not the end. Many people have failed yet to survive and succeed. Some of these people are famous today. The answer to down times is persistence. Evaluate why you are where you are now and then move on. You will always be there for guidance and support.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I feel approaching each and every interaction with non-judgment will always set the right tone. I have been very fortunate to work with people from many different cultures, both in my environment and theirs. These opportunities have taught me a lot about differences and similarities in cultural perspectives, customs, and styles. Ultimately, what I’ve learned is not to use my filters when trying to assess a situation. Asking clarifying questions is an invaluable tool for gaining understanding for differences.
Laura,
We live in a very diverse country and will become even more in the future. It is good to communicate with a good listening ear. 87% of our communication is through listening to our communicator.
Dr. Gary Carlson
I completely agree, you have to listen to all parties and let kinda everyone get it out of there system and it makes them be more open to listenting once they feel like they have been heard.
Jamie,
Ownership is important to all of us on the responsibility we possess in any task. When our people have a communication with their supervisor helps with the accomplishment of the goals and objectives.
Dr. Gary Carlson
A lot of times, my own emotions are a good indicator that an interaction will be difficult. I do not like confrontation, even if it is not difficult, and so getting past the point where I feel anxious in the pit of my stomach can be challenging. Most of the time, if an interaction is going to be difficult, I get almost a cold feeling all over and I feel the overwhelming urge to run away. This is usually prompted by a person's accusatory tone of voice, aggressive words, or passive-aggressive comment. I have learned to take a deep breath and set my anxiety aside to deal with the circumstances and not lose my temper or get defensive. If I am able to remain calm and listen to the person's issue, as well as describe my own side of the situation most of the time we are able to come to a resolution during the conversation. There is also part of the experience that I have learned to let go of - sometimes what other people hear is not what is actually said. I do my best to be clear to facilitate understanding between us.
Sara,
When having a confrontation with someone either in positive or negative conversation will happen in life. The secret to your comfort level is to know yourself and be comfortable with your views, principles and capabilities. Emotion often is the factor that lets confrontation get out of hand. The best way to communicate is not to let yourself escalate your emotion into the conversation. Remain in control by your ability to stay non-emotional. Listening is 87% part of education. Listen, remain calm and speak with confidence helps to keep the conversation on the right track.
Dr. Gary Carlson
