Coaching a difficult student
Hello,
Many times I've been handed difficult students or alumni to help and career advise. I first LISTEN, ask questions but being careful not to prob to much were they mught feel uncomfortable. 8/10 times I realize that they missed a small step on how they behave towards others negative comments. I reintroduce the issue and allow them to problem solve and they give them m y constrictive opinion.
Thank you,
Cynthia De La Puente
I agree that reintroducing the issue allows them to come up with the best answer. One statement that allows me to do this without seeming to interrogate is to ask "what is another way or option to handle the same issue?" "Another way" seems to avoid making the student feel they are wrong but invites them to broaden their perspective by thinking of multiple solutions.
Listening and asking question are the most important part of coaching. We often get so caught up in giving advise that we do not see that we are giving incorrect advise for the situation.
William,
yes, yes, yes! We have to listen to what is really going on for the person, rather than assuming we know the answer.
Ryan Meers, Ph.D.
In these situations I like to create scenarios where the student plays my role in the school and has to address a student who appears to be troubled. Another thing I do is give examples of student challenges in school, and ask the difficult student what he or she could suggest as possible solutions. Somewhere along the way the light bulb goes on and they see some ways to solve their own problem or ways to analyze it at least.
Dan,
the role play is a great way to help individuals see the other side of the coin/problem.
Ryan Meers, Ph.D.
I also like the approach of bringing in a different set of ears for someone to talk with. Sometimes, a conflicted student will not respond to the individual they are having an issue with or the person who brought up an issue. Having another person come and and listen and talk can really help improve the situation.
It is hard to coach someone with out crushing their ego, but negativity is something that MUST be addressed.
I agree. Sometimes it takes a fresh set of ears to listen to the situation and offer input that not bias.
As long as people feel they are being heard and listened to they are much more receptive.
I have found this difficult as well in working with the more difficult students. I usually ask open ended questions or requests such as, "Tell me about some times this....happened." I use this as a means of assisting the student to see which behaviors worked, which did not, and to evaluate the best ways to move forward to achieve career goals in terms of behavioral change.
Mark,
this is a good strategy & connected with this, helping them to think through the outcomes of those behaviors so they grow accustomed to thinking through the results of their behaviors & decisions.
Ryan Meers, Ph.D.
Absolutely I agree with this statement. At the end of the day, it is important to know that a challenging student might need someone to turn to for coaching and mentoring; you might just be the right person and ONLY person at the right time to bring laughter, joy, and positive influence to that student for that day. And have the influence to enhance a life for success in the future.
This is really importat.Spent some time to listen as you find the best way for the student to talk. Many times it's in privat. In this setting you will be able to ask questions and the student is not feeling the peer pressure. Once you understand why the student is diffcult you may be able to help.
Klaus,
yes, great words of advice here, especially in the idea of avoiding embarrassment for the student.
Ryan Meers, Ph.D.
I have to coach many difficult students. I try very hard to actively listen to everything that they tell me so that I can give them good advice. I give suggestions and scenarios that may work for them. Many times the student will be receptive to the solution and say that they will try. But there are times when the student is not willing to try. I try to explain to them that it is their choice but to try and remember what result they would like to end up with.
I think everyone shares your concerns. Sometimes we as teachers or managers want to do too much.
As a learning specialist, I coach many students who are labeled "difficult" or "un-teachable." What I find most often is that they simply need someone to LISTEN to them as they talk through identifying their problem areas. Whereas the classroom teachers may see only poor grades or "negative" behavior, I become more involved in the process of re-training and get to witness not only the acknowledgement of issues but the work put forth to resolve them. Most students come to me frustrated and bored, not accepting failure; they need a safe sounding board and a helpful advisor to help them navigate their own path. I believe that is what a good coach does: allows an individual to become her best possible self through the process of self-awareness, skill acquisition, and personal transformation.
With the difficult situations with students I have had to deal with over the years, I feel that listening is as important if not more important than the actual coaching. Knowing their perspective on the situation is really the key to knowing how to "point" them in the right direction.
