becoming too friendly w/ students
i'm going on my second year as an instructor in a post secondary school, and finding myself constantly becoming too friendly with students. How can i better create a level of professionalism while maintaining a fun learning environment
i understand what you mean.
i have found one of the best ways I have avoided this pitfall is to dress appropriately, use proper language in class and to never let them know anything personal in my life. Remember you are the expert, the instructor and the authorative figure.
I think it is ok to be friendly, however, you can control the level of your relationships with your students. I am very friendly with my students mainly because they are my customers.
However, I maintain a strict professional boundry by not being too personal. I don't discuss my finances, personal relationships etc.
I don't ask them too many personal questions, when inquiring about their well-being, I keep it as general as possible. "Is everything ok? If there is a problem, I let them know that "we" myself and the school can support them the best we can.
I hope this helps.
Yolanda
Hi Jason,
Good question and one that is common for many beginning instructors. The answer comes from your own analysis of your relationship with your students. Define what you see "too friendly" as being and then look for areas in which you see yourself as being too friendly. You may find that you really have nothing to worry about. It is only your perspective that makes you feel you are being too friendly. The second part of defining your relationship with your students comes in the area of class management and respect. If you find that you are having a difficult time in getting the attention of your students or they are disrespecting you, then you need to distance yourself from your students and regain their respect. If you are having class management issues you need to analysis when the problems are occurring and then change procedures to stop the behaviors that are occurring.
Hope this helps. If you have any other questions along this topic please let me know.
Gary
Hi David,
Great advice for instructors.
Gary
Hi Yolanda,
Good approach. I tell my students I will be your friend but I will not be your pal, because I can't. The reason I can't is that I'not your age, are positions in life are different and I'm not in your cohart group (student status). Thus, I will be supportive of you as I can, and help you but not hang with you. With this being said I have not had any problems with student relationships. They know I respect them and want to build rapport with them so I can help them become professionals. That is my responsibility.
Gary
I have taught for a few years and I used to be fun and easy with the students but I learned that you can be little of both. You can show them friendship to have some fun in class and discipline. By combining both you can have a fun class and earn respect at the same time.
I think that you can become too friendly with your students, but you need to know how to bring friendship into the class and that way they know that if they have a problem with what ever issue it is that they can come to you. This way they trust you and in the same time you can have fun in class and still be able to discipline when necessary. I have an example, I have students that are in extership now, and these students know that they can come to me with what ever problem that they have. Two of my students are not showing up for the externship hours and the director at the office called me to let me know. I called these two students and let them know this was unacceptable and they could be dismissed from the program if they did not get to that office and get with the director. They both knew I meant business and they both said they were sorry and that they respected me for getting on to them. So you can be friendly with the students but be the instructor that shows discipline at the same time.
Hi Daniel,
Glad to hear that you have found balance between friendship and professional educator. It is a fine line but one that has to be found and then followed or you will have more problems than you care to deal with.
Gary
Hi Shirley,
Excellent example of how we need to approach and work with students. It sounds like these two are going to finish their program and I'm sure it is due to the fact that they know you care about them and their future.
Gary
This is the hardest thing I've found in being an instructor, what is the best balance for me in a friendly person and a good motivator and disciplinary. It seems every class is different and all have their own needs. But over time, I learned that simple model is tell them up front what the rules are and let them know the consequences are. By doing this up front you can relate to them in a friendly manner so that they know what to expect.
It is always good to be friendly teacher, keeping the student and teacher boundary.
Hi Lee,
Sounds like you have found the balance needed to keep your students engaged and having rapport with you without becoming too involved in their lives to the point that there is any misunderstanding about the relationship.
Gary
I can relate to your question, Jason. I have an outgoing personality, and it's hard to reign that in within the classroom setting. I've taught for a number of years off and on, and find that the older I get, the easier it gets. I believe the other posts are accurate--dressing professionally, not getting too involved in their personal lives, and not letting too much of your personal life be known--are key.
Making friends with someone allows them to see more of you than that professional appearance that your work puts out there. This makes it a lot harder for a student to take you seriously.
Hi Paul,
Good point. Instructors have to maintain a professional relationship with students at all times. My personal position is that I will be a professional friend to my students providing them wiht support, encouragement and references as needed. I cannot and will not be a buddy to them. The biggest reason is that we are not on the same level in terms of our careers or lives outside of the classroom.
I want my students to feel comfortable in contacting me years after they have graduated and telling me of their successes or asking for references. This is to me part of our legacy of being professional educators.
Gary
The key lies in defining customer service. Be bright, cheerful and motivational. Like any job do not take it home with you. Events that are out side work functions, hanging out or comunications of a personal nature is taking the work home.
Hi Leslie,
Well said. You have to have a strong personal identity as well as personal life that enables you to separate between your two lives. I do not a positive and strong personal life will help you cope with the demands of being a professional educator.
Gary
This is my second semester as a new Instructor, and also I am one of the youngest, if not youngest instructor in my department. In the beginning, the administrative staff often mistook me for a student. As a new instructor, in the begininig it was a intimidating, leading a class of students, where some of the students were 10 years old than I am or the same the age as some of my students, or some of my students are 10 years younger than I am. However, I did not allow the age gap deter me, as the most important thing for me was to etablished boundaries and discipline in the class.
