coaching a victom mentality
I have had a lot of difficulty coaching a teacher that does not take ownership for his outcomes.He either blames the poor quality of his students, other staff not holding students to the same standard he does and even other teachers talking poorly about him to students. When I try to coach him on an observed behavior or offer suggestions for things to try differenly the typical response is†I did that before/after you observed me†or “I tried that before and it doesn’t workâ€
Any thoughts on helping him see the need for ownership?
Ryan,
unfortunately at this point I'm not sure you can help him see it or take ownership. He really has to come to that place on his own.
Ryan Meers, Ph.D.
Hello Ryan,
I have met with a similar situation in the past. Although the person claimed that they wanted to be coached, they constantly claimed that the things I suggested never worked for them. After observing them one day I was able to determine that the person was not actually putting in the suggested effort. Even when the skill was demonstrated for them they refused to follow the example. In the end I concluded that the person just did not want to own up to the problem. Since my coaching was being ignored, I took a step back and allowed them to fail. It was only then, with no one else in sight to blame, that they took responsibility and began to correct their actions.
Sarah,
yes, sometimes this is the strategy we have to take. Sometimes we have to "fire" our coachees so they learn to take ownership.
Ryan Meers, Ph.D.
Wow i thought i was the only one with this type of situation going on at this moment my self, it has been very dificult, the instructor is so far into the i am the victum that the instructor is not listening and or being advisable. This week we are going on summer break. I plan to talk to the instructor when we get back with a fresh start and see if i am able to change the situation to then be able to approach the coaching process to help the instructor succeed. i will let everyone know the out come...Thank you all for also being so supportive in these blogs.
Dr. Meers,
In the last year, I've learned that shining a light on a problem does not help someone to take ownership. They don't accept proactive options because, in reality, they are saying, "no, I'm going to do this my way". Victims make choices - to let other things take priority over their agreed goals.
I'm paraphrasing Helen Keller here:
The world is full of people with problems, and also full of people who overcome them.
Coaching is for the people who want to overcome issues.
Cheryl,
I agree with you somewhat. I'm not ready to say that shining the light on the problem never helps them take ownership. Sometimes they are not aware or they've never been held accountable for their actions. If I shine the light on the problem & essentially force them to acknowledge, I've found that this can help them take ownership. Now, in reality I would call this performance management rather than coaching as I do believe that is better suited for those who are willing & ready to take ownership.
Ryan Meers, Ph.D.
I have been dealing with this same problem, I have learned through this training that my coaching skills are above average. In some cases I have found that setting an example by doing the needed tasks helps the person being coached. In some cases they may not understand how to perform the task or have the tools to perform, this is where seeing or working along side somebody really helps.
Donald,
this is true & while as the manager I cannot do the work for everyone, sometimes basic training is needed.
Ryan Meers, Ph.D.
