Should my Wife guilt me about my job?
Isn't that unfair?
On one hand, spending too much time at work can let down family members who need you. On the other hand, not spending enough time with your students and faculty can impact your work life. Work / family balance is hard and takes consistent effort, great communication and the ability to set realistic expectations. When you find that balance, it’s really something to celebrate.
What happens when we have kids? How does an average family do it? I just can't see the balance I guess.
No she should not!
However: having said that one should strive to be frugal with the time expended in our lives.
one thing I do is to try and bring home as little of my work as I can.
That sounds like a great strategy Kevin. Many instructors find that if they bring work home with them, it takes them twice as long to get it done when compared to when they are in their offices. Too many distractions at home. Investing a little extra time at the office to get the work done can free up a lot of time at home.
If you kids are school-age, say in grade school at least, take some time to stop by your office to get a little work finished and bring your kids with you. Show them what you do, even let them help with simple tasks. You'll be amazed at how helpful they can be; they'll get a kick out of seeing how "dad works" and you'll be spending time with your kids. It will be something different than most father-kids activities. After you've spent some time at your office, take the kids for ice cream or go do an activity "they" would like to do! Just a thought at getting some of your work done, without bringing it home, and this way your kids get to "see" what you do. It's just a thought!
Really like the thought Robert! What a perfect way to achieve work family balance.
My job/jobs have been the largest cause of stress on my marriage. I travel a lot for work, have a full time job, I'm a private contractor, and an instructor part time. So, I totally understand why my wife feels like she's competeing for my time. But the big problem is we live paycheck to paycheck. I work the other jobs to pay for fun stuff or to fix the car or funding to do work to our house. I can't seem to be able to find a happy medium. Obviously, as Americans we have been led down the path of overspending, but to be honest we try to be frugal with our money. It just seems the more I work the less cash we have and the more my wife is upset with my long hours. I do enjoy my work, but I shouldn't have to feel guilty about that. Maybe marriage counseling is what we need?
That sounds very stressful Larry. Perhaps putting together a budget could help. With a budget, you'd have on paper what you expect to earn and spend. Sometimes, this gives couples a little more control over their financial lives - and reduces financial stress within the relationship.
Guilt is such a manipulating word which can cause so much stress in your relationship. You have to ask yourself "Am I happy teaching?" If you are happy then you have to make it completely clear to your spouse. I work a full time job and teach in the evenings part time. My husband complains, but he knows how I feel and what my goals are so he supports my decision.
Guilt can indeed cause stress and guide our behavior. But you are right Michelle. Setting clear expectations with friends and family for what you want and need in life can help greatly.
I just have to throw this out there--as I read the questions and responses--I couldn't help but think about where people's priorities are. If work is what you love then do it--but honestly, what "fun" are you really having if you are never home to spend the money you are working for? For me, personally, home is where my heart is. When I am home--I am home. I do not bring work or very little of it home. When I am at school--I am totally focused on the students and my collegues. I enjoy both aspects of my life--and I guess I have found a good balance for both. In todays day and age--we really have to make choices on where we want to spend our time. Don't get me wrong--if your wife was on board at the beginning to do work on the home and other things--she needs to be more understanding and realize her role in the situation. We should never make our loved ones feel as though they are second in our lives.
This is a great point Shana! I'm glad you bring this perspective to the forum. When family really is a priority in our lives, it's easier to prioritize them. The challenge for many instructors is that they work to support their families - sometimes multiple jobs at a time. Then it becomes difficult to balance the kind of support they provide.
It can be tough, for sure, Michael. My husband and I have a three-year-old son, and finding time for family AND work is sometimes a struggle. Luckily, I work from home, and my mother babysits every day while I grade papers and/or teach. I have an ideal situation, I realize, and I really feel for families in which both parents work outside the home.
My husband is a school guidance counselor who's also getting a post-doc degree...he wakes up at 4:30 AM to get classwork done before he goes to work. That way, when he comes home, he's got the evening free to spend with us. One night a week, he has class. It took us awhile to arrive at a schedule that was acceptable to both of us, and we try to be fair with each other regarding personal time (a couple times a week, we give each other a couple hours "off" from "babysitting"). You'll find a balance; it just takes some strategizing.
Strategy is indeed the key Tammy. Taking a quick step back and assessing all that needs to be accomplished can give you the confidence to move forward with priority tasks and achieve balance.
I get this everyday! My husband is a teacher in high school. I work from my home office teaching college online. He does not understand this is just as much work as what he does because I work at home. I can not tell you how many fights we have had due to this. I do think it is unfair because we are working!
Michael,
No. The first priority should always be family regardless. You may not have a job but at least you will have your family.
If you have job but no family what a let down that would be.
I would work with my spouse to develop a schedule that will accommodate the both of us otherwise one party will resent the other which is exactly what is going to occur if your priorities are not in the right place.
I take a Biblical approach on this and while people must work; are you working to live or living to work? What changes can you personally make?
Remember: happy wife-happy life.
No matter what family you have that depends on you, it is important to make time for them. I recommend that you utilize the time savers mentioned in this course, and really make an effort to condense your workday as much as possible without sacrificing quality for your students.
