Lou Tice

There is no better way to assure an ample supply of pain in your life than the destructive habit of self-blame.

Unreasonable expectations and self-blame can make our lives miserable. For example, how often do you hear yourself say something like, "I left the car lights on. How could I be so stupid?" Or, "I really put my foot in it that time. I guess I'll never learn."

Sound familiar? Self-blaming statements like these are commonplace for far too many of us. Now, there is nothing the matter with the first part of these statements. They are just simple facts.… >>>

There is a strong, direct relationship between low self-esteem and shame. Today, let's explore this relationship.

We all experience shame from time to time, that horrible sinking feeling that strikes at the very center of our being and launches a fundamental assault on our self-esteem.  

Shame truly does have a damaging effect on the development of healthy self-esteem. Perhaps the most important step we can take to rid the world of this malignant emotion is to avoid raising another generation of shame-based people.

Psychologist Susan Miller once wrote in the Atlantic Monthly, "A child's experience of being someone who counts,… >>>

Do you believe that you create your own reality? Or do you believe that reality is something "out there" over which you have no control?

As adults, we generate our experiences in life. While we can't control everything that happens to us, we can control how we respond. We can take responsibility for the results we experience in life. And when we do this, we grow enormously.

Television newsperson Dan Rather once said that John Kennedy became a true leader when he stood before the American people and said that the Bay of Pigs was an atrocity that never should… >>>

It is a great gift to be able to find the good in bad situations, and it is a gift you can give yourself, if you choose to.

Many people, when they come upon a stumbling block or an obstacle in their path, become discouraged and quit. But highly successful people know how to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones.

In December 1914, Thomas Edison's laboratories in West Orange, New Jersey were almost entirely destroyed by fire. In one night, Edison lost two million dollars worth of equipment and the records of most of his life's work. The next morning,… >>>

As we talked about yesterday, knowing what your personal values are is important. But knowing what other peoples' values are can be important too. 

Are you interested in knowing how to motivate other people? If so, how much do you know about what these other people value, what they hold near and dear? When I was coaching football, I worked with three quarterbacks. I asked each one what was important to him about playing the game.

One said he did it for the glory of God and to make his mom and dad proud. The second said it made him… >>>

What does getting what you want in life have to do with values? Today, let's look at how the two are connected.

You can't get what you want in life until you know what it is you want. And, you'll have a hard time knowing what you want, if you are not clear about what your values are. You see, if I were to ask you what you really want, what I'm actually asking is, "What do you value?"

Values are guides for daily living that influence your thoughts, feelings, words and deeds. They shape your personality and give direction… >>>

OK, I have two questions for you. First, what do you absolutely love to do? And second, how well do you do it?

Now, I'm betting that whatever your answer to the first question may be, the answer to the second question will be somewhere between, "very well" and "superbly." Because, if you love doing something, you are probably good at it.

Do you know anyone who has achieved tremendous success doing something he or she hates? I don't. Mark Twain once said, "The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation." And that is exactly what successful people… >>>

How good are you at focusing your attention? It is an extremely valuable skill, and I would like to talk about it today.

As I mentioned the other day, if we are to grow and reach our full potential, it is absolutely necessary to take risks. By its very nature, risk implies the possibility of loss. But at the same time, there is also the possibility of benefit or gain. Whether a risk feels frightening or exhilarating depends, almost entirely, on whether you are paying attention to the loss or the gain.

If you focus on the loss, you will… >>>

Do you consider yourself a risk-taker? I think you probably are, and I will tell you why.

In one of his books, Leo Buscaglia wrote that, "To laugh is to risk appearing a fool, to weep is to risk appearing too sentimental, to reach out for another is to risk involvement, and to expose feelings is to risk exposing one's true self.  

"To place your ideas and dreams before the crowd is to risk their loss, to love is to risk not being loved in return. To live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk despair, to try… >>>

Do you ever feel jealous?  Most of us do, but it is jealous behavior, not feelings, that cause trouble.  The feeling of jealousy in a relationship is normal, but the behavior that can result is often irrational and destructive.  If you want to avoid the trouble jealousy can cause, start by accepting responsibility for it.

Blaming others for what they feel is a mistake, for jealousy is most often a product of our own insecurity and low self-esteem.  It happens because we see ourselves as having less to give than the object of our jealousy.

Soon we become unable to… >>>