When your children want attention, what do they do? Throw a tantrum? Misbehave? Act inappropriately? Perhaps you can show them a better way.

There are many things children want, things they won't usually ask for directly. In that way, they are no different from adults. There are two things in particular that all of us seem to need - recognition and attention.

Kids who get plenty of each from the start are usually happy, well-adjusted, confident, and behave themselves appropriately. Kids who don't get much of either will get very creative. They may try throwing tantrums. If the tantrums get them attention, they may grow up believing that when you don't get what you want, get angry, because it works.

Some children misbehave to get attention, because even negative attention is better than nothing. If neither tantrums nor acting up get them the attention they need, they may eventually quit trying at all. They will become withdrawn and apathetic.

The thing to do then, if you want to deal successfully with these problems, or avoid them in the first place, is to give your kids plenty of attention and affection when they are behaving well. Let them know that it is okay to ask for what they want, or to say "Mom and Dad, would you please pay attention to me for a few minutes?" When they do ask, make the time to give them the attention they need - for them and for you.